I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
