are you still at the devil's house?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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