We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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