ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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