pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
