:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Buhtt sex?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I did not marry a roomba.
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