I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
