yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
