woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
