The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
worst night to have a conscience
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
