p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
