His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
