At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
