Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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