Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
