My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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