He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
