Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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