Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
