dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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