when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
