Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
