Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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