I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
