I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Farmville is her only friend.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
