The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize