my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
