drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
