You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
