So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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