what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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