I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize