i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
