I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
