oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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