Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
