What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
