hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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