Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
