Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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