god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
