Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
