I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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