Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
