i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
