Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
