I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
