you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
