When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
