"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
