when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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