There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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