If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
