when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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