I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
