morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
