I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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