She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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