maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As shirtless as possible
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
