There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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