I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
