Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
