i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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