Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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