So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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