Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
