yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
