Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my phone needs a breathalizer
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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