I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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