dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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