just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
