woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
