Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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