Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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