Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
