I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
