I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
