apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
