The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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